Being Kind to YOUrself

If you’re like most people, you probably put a lot of time and energy into trying to be kind to other people that you forget to be kind to the most important person in your life’s story–you. Now, I’m not trying to ignore the importance of being kind to others but I believe that if we aren’t kind enough with ourselves, it’s a bit more difficult to spread positivity around to the people around us.

When I talk about being kind to yourself, I’m not exactly referring to all the self-care stuff that we do such as going for facials, going for the occasional boozy brunches (we ALL love those don’t we? Ha!), taking a trip to re-discover one’s self, and all the other wonderful things. These are all amazing and, honestly, who doesn’t love self care days? It’s essential that you treat yourself once in a while and remind yourself that you’re wonderful and deserving of good things. If you’ve never had a self care day, I highly reccomend you take one asap! Anyway, I’m moving away from the point I’m trying to make, lol.

While it’s important to pamper yourself and do things that make you feel good and improve your mood, I’m referring more to the stuff that goes on inside of us, inside our hearts and our minds. We live in such a fast-paced society and everyone is trying so hard to be as successful as they possibly can–which is obviously a great thing–that we often times forget to take a couple moments out of our time to truly breathe and give ourselves a figurative pat on the back for all the stuff we’ve accomplished.

I’m not going to lie and say that I’ve mastered the art of being kind to myself, but I’ve begun my journey towards fully accepting who I am and where I am in life. I’m not where I want to be or rather, where I think I ought to be. I look around and I see most of the people I know doing big things and being ahead of me in a lot of aspects; and I won’t lie to you, I feel inadequate a lot of the time. However, I’ve learned that it’s completely unfair to me when I allow myself think and feel that way.

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in wishing you had a better life, a better body, a better car, a better job, a better spouse even, but the truth is, no matter how much you have, there’s always going to be something better out there. I noticed that I had become so accustomed to focusing on the negative aspects of my life and all the things I wish I could change, that I didn’t always acknowledge the wins I had secured. I was being too hard on myself just because I felt I hadn’t done as much as I should have and this is, in part, because there are multiple messages out there on social media (and even from our family members) that are constantly telling us where we should be and what we should have achieved in our 20’s.

A lot of times, things don't go down exactly how you want them to and there might be a certain delay in achieving your goals. Don't be deterred, don't beat yourself up too much, just keep pushing.

I wrote like six different drafts for my second blog post, but none of the drafts felt right. The past couple of weeks were a bit weird for me emotionally, and I already started to feel down and had begun to have those negative thoughts and feelings that we all try to keep at bay. I felt like I was bad at yet another thing that I set out to do and as pathetic as it may sound, I ended up crying. Someone very special said to me, “Nasara, you’re being way too hard on yourself. The most important thing is you’re trying something different and you don’t have to be perfect at it. Doing it is enough.” Those words made me feel a lot better. After my mini mental breakdown, I began to think about how there are probably so many people out there who might feel the same way that I feel. There’s so much pressure, both internally and externally, to be the best person you can be, to attain certain goals at a certain age, to live a certain type of lifestyle, to always seem happy (even when things are spiraling out of your control), and these are just a tiny fraction of some of the pressures we deal with today.

If you’re like me and you struggle to not be so hard on yourself, I encourage you to take a deep breath and relax. Don’t let the world rush you, don’t let people rush you. A lot of times, things don’t go down exactly how you want them to and there might be a certain delay in achieving your goals. Don’t be deterred, don’t beat yourself up too much, just keep pushing. You may not know what exactly the next person had to go through to get where they are today. Also, remember that social media isn’t always a true reflection of people’s realities.

So, try to trust your own process, celebrate your victories (no matter how small they may seem), learn to love yourself, change some of those bad habits that you know you have, learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes and wrong choices that you made that may have led to certain bad life outcomes. You can’t beat yourself up about your past and you can’t be on the same level in life as everyone else. We are all uniquely different and special. Life is a journey, not a race. Focus on the present and what you can do now that can guarantee a more fulfilling future. Be kinder to yourself and see how much better life becomes for you and how much more positivity you can radiate to the people around you. I’m rooting for you!

Why You Should Embrace Fear.

I wrote, deleted, rewrote, and again deleted so many drafts for my first post. I’m not exactly sure why I did that. I think it was primarily because if I did finish writing my first blog post, I would have to actually publish it and put it out there and that would be the first step of me putting my thoughts out for people to see. Basically, this girl was terribly afraid (and a little bit frustrated).

Visual representation of me during my writing process 😂

I don’t think I can recall a time, in my entire 22 years of existing, during which I was not afraid. I was afraid of the dark as a child, afraid of imaginary monsters I swore I could see (as a result of the Nigerian horror movies I would insist on watching), afraid of attending new schools, afraid of making new friends, afraid of letting myself fall in love, afraid of standing up for myself and even more recently, I was afraid of creating this blog that I happen to be writing for. I could go on and on about my endless list of sometimes unnecessary fears, but I think you get the point: my life has been plagued by fear for as long as I can remember.

I don’t understand how and why I let fear control me for so long. It got so bad to the point that I actually believed I was incapable of doing so many things–even though a lot of people believed in me. I was settling for a life of mediocrity in everything that I did; school, romantic relationships, familial relationships, friendships, and worst of all, my relationship with God. This went on for so long that I lost interest in a lot of the things I normally loved to do and unsuprisingly, I became deeply unhappy.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand that fear is a perfectly normal emotion we feel and a lot of times, it does save us from some bad situations. The problem that I have with it is when it stops someone from living his or her life to its full potential. I know you’ve all heard this before, but it is crucial to not let your life be controlled by fear. In my experience, when you’re about to try something new or embark on a different adventure, the fear you feel is not meant to stop you from doing that new thing but is rather a sign that you SHOULD do it.

It’s okay to be apprehensive when you’re about to graduate from high school or college and you aren’t really sure what your next move is going to be, it’s okay to worry when you have to move to a different city (or maybe country) for that new job that you’ve been praying for, it’s okay to be skeptical about that new person who’s come into your life trying to love you, it’s okay to be afraid because you are entering into a new season in your life. Things won’t always work out the way you want them to, and to be honest, that’s perfectly okay.

I think a major problem that we have in this generation, myself included, is that we feel that we have to have everything figured out once we hit our 20’s. That way of thinking, is both a blessing and a curse. While it does encourage us to work hard and achieve a lot, I’ve noticed we spend so much time comparing ourselves to other people that we forget to live in the moment and enjoy the little things or we are afraid to try new things because we feel they don’t exactly fit into 5-year or 10-year plans.

Lord knows I’m still a work in progress. Sometimes, I feel I haven’t made any meaningful improvements towards a better version of myself because I am also guilty of comparing where I am in life to where my most of my mates are. Then there are days when I sit and reflect on some of the minor changes that I have made in my life that have yielded positive results for me. I’m doing things that I normally wouldn’t do, things that might seem insignificant to other people but that’s honestly their business. I’m on my own journey, they are on their journey, and you’re on yours too. Don’t let yourself be discouraged by using someone else’s life as a yardstick to measure your successes.

A lot of people will criticize your choices, your friends won’t always support your business(es), you’ll have to drop some people along the way to get closer to where you need to be, people (including some “friends”) will laugh at your struggles behind your back, you will meet numerous negative Nancy’s along the way, but none of these things should stop you. Keep going. It’s better to take chances and discover who you truly are rather than live a life full of regret. As we have stepped into the year 2020, remember that every year is filled with endless opportunities, new experiences, new friendships and relationships, and this year is no different.

If you had a wonderful 2019, that’s awesome! If you had a rubbish 2019 filled with many disappointments and failures, don’t let that stop you from picking yourself up and trying again. Apply for that internship, talk to God even though you feel unworthy, take that job that you really want even though it’s far away from all you’ve ever known, call your loved ones regularly, text that person you’re really into, apply to that college/university, start that youtube channel or blog that you’ve always wanted, cut off that friend that constantly speaks negativity into your life. Don’t be afraid of what lies ahead. Fear is really just the heart reminding you what truly matters.

About Me

Hello everyone and welcome to Simply Life! My name is Nasara, and I’m a 22-year-old college student who is still trying to figure out this whole life thing (that’s pretty much the whole point of this blog lol).

I love going to bookstores and coffee shops, reading, and I’m slowly but surely becoming a coffee addict, lol. I enjoy going to open mics, poetry slams, and hanging out with my friends.

I’ve always had a lot to say on a lot of issues that we deal with today, either based on personal experience or just knowing someone who has experienced something.

I love sharing ideas about anything I know and this is a great way to share those ideas and engage in conversations with other people. I’m looking forward to starting this journey with all of you.

About Simply Life

This blog is going to be focused on a lot of issues and topics that myself and my fellow millennials can relate to. I’ll be discussing things that we wrestle with and the day-to-day struggles that we face trying to navigate this thing called life.

This blog isn’t me trying to tell people how to live their lives, but it’s more of me speaking on things that I have been through or watched people go through or topics that I feel need to be addressed. It’s a healthy way for me to express myself and my thoughts, and if something I write about helps someone out there, then that’s an added bonus! 🙂

I’d probably also talk about some things that I like to do, books that I think are worth reading, and shows that are worth watching amongst other things.

I really hope all of you lovely souls enjoy reading this blog as much as I’d enjoy writing it. Stay blessed x.

Contact Me

I would love it if you leave comments under my posts, add something to what I’ve spoken on or even correct me if I’m wrong on something because who doesn’t love an opportunity to learn from mistakes?

Feel free to follow and send a DM on instagram @simplylife.blog if you want to talk about something I posted or just say hello.

Stay blessed x